Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
