i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
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