Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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