It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
