Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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