I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
