we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
