Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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