the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
