i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
