i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
