I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
