Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
she peed on how many people?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize