You really coming over, don't trick.
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary