Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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