I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.