hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
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God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
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you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.