Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.