guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
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Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
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Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?