I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
you had me at cake vodka
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
My vagina is officially offended.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean