i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize