My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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