First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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