just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
