just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Randomize
