I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
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Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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