Having a random hookup so left but love u
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
