We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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