But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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