why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize