I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
