Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
MIDGETS
????
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
