yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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