she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
