Tell her she can't have a vagina
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Randomize
