I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
