Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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