Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
