apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
