as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
