After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
