Soap is not a condiment
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tied me up with her honor cords...
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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