Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
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even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
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The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
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