what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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