Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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