I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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