Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
