My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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