her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
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