She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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