I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
