he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
So many bounce houses so little time
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
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