Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
