In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
