I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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