I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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