The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
