I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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