come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
