That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
