the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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