I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
