where does the pee come out of this thing
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
