i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Come see our sink grown plant.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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