No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
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