i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
