she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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