theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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