This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
