so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
