At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
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